Old Tiffinians – 0
Old Sedcopians – 1
The Tiffs looked resplendent as they took to the field, first in orange, then in purple, teasing the opposition who looked on in awe as the 14 sculpted athletes prowled up and down the touch line. First heel flicks. Then side to sides. And then, and only then, they opened the gate. It was wonderful.
The boys in purple (or was it orange?) really did look fantastic. It was impressive. Unfortunately, however, points are not awarded for this (although it is something the AFA should look into) and 90 minutes of mindless tedium ensued. The ball was walloped repeatedly from one end to the other.
During one short interlude when the ball came down from the sky, one particularly heavy-set man made the mistake of trying to turn. Unfortunately, this was never going to work. As his considerable bulk shifted from left to right, the knee buckled, unable to take the immense strain. One man’s dream was over.
Much huffing and puffing followed. There was a lot of bluster. An old man fell over, but managed to get up unaided. This happened several times. It wasn’t fair. An aggressive bald man barked orders from the back that made absolutely no sense to anyone. In the confusion, the ball ended up in the back of the Tiffin net, via a Sedcopian head. 0-1. Game over.
Despite this rare loss, an impressive array of soaps, creams and pommades were produced following the game, which went some way to restoring the good cheer.