OTFC arrived at Westminster University Sports ground boosted by mulled wine hangovers and the overdue prospect of shelving their seemingly cursed away kit. A quick glance at the impressive facilities and immaculate pitch on entering the ground raised hope and excitement levels further, before the sight of Luke Peake’s sadistic grin and his Christmas bottle of Jaeger caused many of the squad to attempt a quick get away. What’s more, on leaving the changing rooms and trudging towards the carpeted surface outside, OTFC were politely informed that they would, in fact, be playing on the recently ploughed field belonging to the neighbouring farm.
Unperturbed by the woeful pitch and Jaeger-breath, both sides agreed that the only way to successfully negotiate the next 2 hours would be to ditch any delusions of footballing grandeur, and to instead adopt a “nuts and bolts” approach to football.
Tiffs battled, slithered, hoofed, huffed and puffed, as did the opposition, until the Joe brothers – M and S – in the Tiffs attack decided to pop a few in the net for good measure. Furious at this deviation from the grand plan, the other members of OTFC set about balancing things out. London Welsh looked on, bemused, as the ball was flung into the box time and time again while the men in purple expressed their flagrant disregard for defending in the only way they know how – smug nonchalance.
After 90 minutes were up, the referee bolted for his car, and both sides wandered back to the changing room shaking their heads – keen to forget the whole sorry episode ever happened.
Well done to Joe S and Joe M for providing moments of sheer brilliance in a quagmire of otherwise muddied, attritional pugilism.